I'm tired of being alone... having no friends. I'm a good deal more social than I'd thought. As I grow older, I'm losing what little self confidence I may formerly have held even to ask a fellow to go out... to go do something (and by 'something' I mean a nosh, a movie, watch tv).
I feel about it like I've become a widower. I want to be with people, but at my age I experience being surrounded by those who already have a life constructed over many years in this place; contentedly stayed about ample routines with family, friends. I don't find invitations to me by others forthcoming, and avoid insinuating myself into the lives of others without invitation.
I'm not drawn to men my own age or older. As a rule I don't find older men attractive. And though I'm sure there are many attractive men of my generation, I would refer to my argument above they're categorically already taken; established and contented in one way or another with their lives and routines.
I think it's OK for me to not want to associate with personalities which are inappropriate and/or disagreeable to that which is more acceptable and/or excellent to me. As a gentleman and a Christian, I want to develop and travel close by friends of a gentle, noble, and elegant nature; who seek to journey along a road lesser times traveled - socially, emotionally, and spiritually.
Is that too picky or particular a perspective? Am I a snob? Could it be that loneliness, with which I'm not at all comfortable, is a healthy place for me to be right now?
